These past few days have truly been a blessing for me.  I have relied more on the Lord these past few days than I have in a very long time, and He has truly blessed me.  I went to a meeting this week, and in this meeting, the topic of hope was discussed.  Hope is one thing that I do have.  As a matter of fact, it is the one thing that has kept me going throughout this journey so far.  I do realize that I haven’t been successful because I have been trying to do things my way, and it definitely has not worked so far, so I have to try something different.

When I went to the meeting, I was given a workbook.  I have been reading and working my way through this book for the past few days, and it has been a good experience because it has helped me to take a closer look at myself and how I feel about certain things in my life.  I learned about pride from a quote in the workbook.  I thought it was a very interesting quote, so I looked up the entire talk that the quotation came from.  It was a great talk, and very powerful.  I realized from this talk that I have been prideful as it pertains to certain things in my life, and pride separates us from God.  I then realized that I needed to humble myself in order to get back on the path of my journey and actually start to make some steps forward.

From my study this week, I also came to the understanding that my relationship with food is a symptom of something much deeper within.  I have known that for quite some time, but that is just it.  I have known it, but I have done nothing about it.  I haven’t acted.  I have been allowing myself to be acted upon.  The really big thing that I realized is that my physical problems are a manifestation of what is going on with me spiritually.  It is not the other way around!  All of this time, I have been thinking that my eating has affected my spirit, but I now realize that my level of spiritually is affecting my physical being.  When I really pondered that, I said to myself:  “Hmm..  That is really deep.”  I just realized that most of my beliefs and values have been all cognitive realizations.  They are all in my head, but they are not truly gounded into my heart.  That is the missing link.  I know and understand a great many things, but I have not truly applied them in my life.  Ours heads represent the physical and our hearts represent the spiritual.  My good friend Nancy taught me about this a couple of years ago.  I heard what she said, I just did not know how to apply it.

So the question is:  “How do I apply what I have learned so that it truly goes to my heart?”  Well, I have known the answer for a long time.  I learned about it from scripture study many years ago, from talks at church, from Nancy’s class, and again today as I was studying my workbook from the class that I attended this week.  The answer is surrender.  I must humble myself to the point that I allow myself to surrender my will over to the Father.  That is the one thing that I own that is truly mine to give.  Everything that I have in this world is not truly mine.  It was given to me first by my Father.  All tangible things belong to Him and are on loan from Him, but my will is mine, and I must choose to surrender it.  As I surrender, I will become more like Him.  The choices that I make will become the choices that He makes.  I will then, eventually choose as He would choose.  This, of course, is a process, but I must start that process by surrendering.

I am so grateful for my Father in Heaven, and I know that I am His daughter and He loves me.  I know He will lead me through this process.

Kyeni