This process of purging has been such a blessing in my life.  I feel so peaceful right now;  more that I ever have in my entire life.  That does not mean that I do not have my challenges because we are always going to have them, but when those challenges arise, I deal with them,  and I try to make a conscious effort to figure out what I need to learn from that challenge, and then I move on.  I do not allow myself to have negative self talk any more.  I look for the positive aspects of the situation.

Case in point, I was at one of my schools on Wednesday.  A class was walking from the cafeteria to their classroom.  I stopped to let the class go by.  The class stopped for a moment because the hallway was congested.  There were two boys standing in the line, and one of them looked at me, and started pointing at me and laughing.  He tapped his friend on the shoulder, got  his attention and told him to look at me, and then he started whispering something in the boys ear, and then he started laughing again and openly mocking me.  A few months ago, I would have been really hurt by that because I have been the object of ridicule my whole life, so that kind of behavior hurt my feelings a lot.  I hated going to school sometimes because the kids made fun of me so much.

This time, something was different.  I looked at the boy, and I thought to myself for a second, and I realized that to him, a small boy that was probably in the 2nd or 3rd grade, I probably looked really huge.  Maybe I was the biggest person that he had ever seen.  Immediately after that thought, I felt sorrow  for him;  not for me, but for him because maybe his parents never taught him that it is very mean and hurtful to make fun of someone like that.  This is a change for me because usually, my first reaction is normally to feel bad for myself and think of a hundred negative things to say about myself.  I now understand that I am a daughter of God and I am born of royal lineage.  I am one of God’s greatest creations, and I have no right to speak evil of myself.

The Lord has been so wonderful to me.  He has be teaching me that we are all going to have trials in our lives, but it is up to us to choose how we will deal with those trials.  I have learned that no matter what trials we go through, the Lord is there, and He is aware of what we are going through.  All we have to do is reach out to Him.  He will not take the trial away, but He will be there to comfort us.  I have had the opportunity to listen to our Stake Leaders over the past few weeks.  It is amazing to me that the Lord teaches us the things that we need to know when we need to know it.  I have heard them give the same or similar talks for the past few weeks, but every time I hear their talks, I get something new out of them.  They deliver their talk in a slightly different way at each Ward that we go to, but the message is the same and I learn something new each time I hear them speak.  I have learned so much, and funny enough, the theme of these Ward Conferences is about Trials, and how they help us to come closer to God.  I have truly been fed by these leaders, and I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for putting me in a position to learn.  He will not force me to learn.  I have to choose to listen, and by so doing, it has enabled me to grow spiritually over the past few months.

Kyeni