Starting this website has been a huge blessing to me.  There are 30 subscribers to this site.  Some of you are going through your own weight loss journeys.  I have received a number of emails thanking me for talking about some of these issues.  I am so glad that some of these posts have been helpful to some of you.  Here is a response to one of your questions about the emotions behind eating compulsively:

Admitting to myself that I am a compulsive over-eater was not too hard, but when I really started to look at what that meant, it forced me to really take a good look at myself, and I keep looking over and over because when I think I have it, I realize that it is deeper than I thought.  This is not a simple process.  It will take me some time to weed through all of the negative feelings and emotions that I have dished out to myself all of these years, but I am slowly doing it. 

Here is the most recent realization that I have come across.  As a child, I never felt that I had a voice, and when I tried to express myself, I felt like no one was listening.  So instead of expressing my feelings, I suppressed them and held them in.  I still do that today.  Instead of talking about my feelings, I turn to food as a source of comfort.  (This is a complete fallacy because food is not there to comfort us.  It was not created for that.)  I never really dealt with hurtful issue, I just hid them away and kept them buried, so I thought.  What I have come to realize is that those issues that I thought were hidden were not hidden at all.  Every pain, sorrow, fear and negative emotion were right there on my physical body for the whole world see.  My mind could not process all of that darkness, so it hid it away in my flesh.  That was a huge wake-up call for me.

I took all of that pain that had be forced on me, and turned around and hurt myself with it.  Instead of getting rid of all of that negative energy and dispersing elsewhere, I waged a war against my own self.  Writing this sentence just made me start crying so hard because for the first time in my life, I just truly and honestly admitted that I have done this to myself.  I cannot blame it on anyone else.  I am responsible for the damage that I have caused to myself.  Wow!  This is really heavy.  So, what do I do with this pain?  I will do the only thing that I know how to do right now at this very moment, and that is to take this pain to my Father in Heaven and surrender it to Him. 

Father, I have come to realize that the pain and hurt that I have been going through my whole life has been a result of me taking my pain  and hurt out on myself.  I have caused my spirit and my physical body to become sick because of my abuse.  The realization of this is very hurtful.  Help me to heal from this pain.  Take it from me and help me to learn to start loving myself.  Thank you for giving me a strong body that would endure the abuse that I have placed upon it.  I realize now what a precious gift it has been to me throughout my whole life.  Help me to have the strength and the wisdom to help my body heal itself.  Help me to put the food in it that will nourish it.  May this day mark the start of a new life for me; a life of love first and foremost of Thee, of self and mankind.

Love, your daughter Rechel, and in the name of my Savior, who atoned for my sins, Jesus Christ, Amen.